AliThinks

Guest Post: Things Aren't Always What They Seem

It is a thrill and an honor to be able to anonymously guest post for the infamous AliThinks! When asked if I would like to guest post, my immediate thought was "Yes!" The next thought was, "what in the world can I post about, that will even come close to doing justice to her blog?" Well, after much thought and deliberation, I have decided that perhaps I should just post about something that I would not normally address on my own venue--- something that is near and not-so-dear to my heart, and something that I struggle with that may be of some benefit to others.

Allow me to preface this by saying that I don't "know" Alison; I have never met her in person, never spoken with her on the phone.   I do feel like we have some attributes in common, and I admire and respect her as a woman, mother, and friend.

Who am I?
I am Jane Doe.
I am everywoman.
I am a middle class, Middle America, white-anglo-saxon-protestant working married mother.
I am the woman in front of you in the grocery line, rooting through her purse for her debit card. I am the person on the other end of the phone handling your questions.
I have advanced degrees, have been a stay at home mom, and have finally found some semblance of balance between my working life and my home life, although it is a daily struggle.
I am reasonably attractive, moderately intelligent, can glibly carry a conversation, and am quick on my feet.

But.
There is always a but, isn't there?

Guest Post: What To Send That Homesick American For Her Birthday

or Why All Americans Eventually Go Home by Christine

I don't watch much t.v., not because I'm on some sort of anti-t.v. bandwagon or anything,  I think it's just because of where I live.  You see t.v., ummm regular t.v. in France that is, really seems like something produced in somebody's basement.  It positively reeks--trite,  propped-up, pathetically sarcastic hosts doing talk shows, interviewing the same people over and over week after week.   Ugh! It's beyond horrible and makes a person either a) lose consciousness for long periods -or- b) rub their eyes really hard until they  can't see straight and yawn over and over searching frantically for air -or- c) all of the above plus dry retch vomiting.   I prefer to simply stay uninformed if it means wading through that load of crap.    Oh sure I may watch something once in a while, like something on Arté which sometimes airs top notch programs of The Discovery Channel variety or Bon Appetit Bien Sûr, a really good daily cooking show featuring regional French chefs,  but on the whole it's a big waste of my t.v. tax* euros to be paying for what amounts to a glorified video/dvd monitor.  That's all I really use my t.v. for these days anyway.

Guest Post: I'm a Klutz

Dag nab it, I hate innovation.  I finally got an iPod nano and that little wheel on the front-- the one that is supposed to be so cool-- is a trial for me.

I can type very well and push buttons with the best of them, but the click wheel on the front of the iPod nano is nothing but trouble for me.  All I’ve been able to figure out definitely is that:  1)  if I hold on too tightly to the wheel it won’t go round, but if I don’t hold on tightly enough to the iPod nano it’ll pop right out of my hands; and 2) the little wheel will move to somewhere I don’t want it to be when I put the iPod nano in my jeans pocket.

I bought a book about iPods thinking that it would help me understand how this little techno thingie works, but the book is so poorly written that if I was Cleopatra I’d have the author chained for life to an oar on my barge.   Every time I look at the book I get
so irritated that I grip the iPod nano even more firmly, and quick as a snap I’ve popped the little thingie right out of my hand.

I figured I was alone with my difficulties until I happened to mention my problems to a friend who is a massage therapist.  She laughed and said that she had an iPod that she hadn’t used since last fall because, like me, she found it difficult to use.  She’d thrown
hers into a drawer and forgotten about it.

While I haven’t gotten quite to that point, my iPod nano is currently spending some quiet time by itself in a room far away from me.   Until it decides to behave itself and meet me over half way, we’re not talking.   Little thingies with bad attitudes need time outs.

By Ally Bean 

Guest Post: nwgThinks

*newwavegurly walks around AliThinks and gives the tires a kick*

Hmmm, not bad, not bad at all. I think I could take a ride in this baby.

For better or worse, I agreed to be one of Ali's guest bloggers. I am not here to pimp my own blog, I'm here helping out a friend. Really I am.

Some of you are wondering who I am, some of you have seen me hangin' around here at Ali's blog before, some of you know me the same way Ali knows me, and some of you probably don't give a damn who I am, just as long as I get on with the blog entry. I have some choice words for all of you (some choicer than others), but as this is Ali's blog, and I promised her a guest post, I shall proceed.

Sh*t, after all that, I'm not quite sure what to say. That says a lot, because I am rarely at a loss for words.

Okay, let's give it a try.

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation: conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Crap! That's already been done before, hasn't it?

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

Damnit, that one's been done before too.

The only thing we have to fear... is fear itself.

Yeah, I know. That's not original either. Hell, it was even sampled at the end of that Living Colour song "Cult Of Personality". 

That's it. I give up. Looks like all the truly unique and inspirational words have already been used. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Guest Post: Change

I bet Alison thought I would never get this post through to her.   When she asked me last week to guest post here I said yes but I honestly wondered why I was even invited... My own site bores even me to tears!  I have turned into one serious lazy-ass blogger lately.  It's been over a week since I've posted on my own site and really, I have thousands (well maybe dozens) of things I could blog about but it all seems so tedious and trite when I start to post it.  I'm even too lazy to organise one of these little hiatus thingies of my own!

Anyway... I have been thinking a lot about 'change' lately because it seems to be the one 'constant' in my life.  It seems to be the only thing I can count on to, with out a doubt, be waiting for me just around the corner.  It has been all my life, and yet I am still knocked off my guard when I round that bend and 'change' is there to smack me square in the jaw.

What amazes me more than being caught unaware by 'change' is the fact that I actually seem to embrace it!!  I find my happy face and my happy heart and just start marching.  If I were someone on the outside looking in, I would even venture to say that I thrived on it...  But I'm not so sure.  Being the one on the inside looking out, it feels more like I am just putting a brave face on.  Somewhere, in my depths, I am sure I am a Stay-er, not a Go-er.  But 'change' never lets me be who I want to be.  I long to plant a wisteria beside a sunny wall in the dream-courtyard of my life and watch it grow, year in and year out: creeping and climbing on the stones and supports, flowering, shedding its leaves and repeating its cycle until the trunk and branches become thick, gnarled, twisted wood.  But no... *sigh*,  'change' says it is time to go again. Now, where did I put my happy face?!

I guess I better get back to packing...

Amber

Guest Post: Let's Talk About Cars

Daisy of Chasing Daisy wants you to talk amongst yourselves today:

I don't think this is a genuine advert (more likely an imaginative car salesman wanting to get some attention) but it got me thinking - if Ali were a car, what model would she be? A sleek red sporty number? A tough, practical off-roader?

What do you think? And what make and model would you like to be?

Guest Post: A Small Slice of Life

Let me just start by qualifying this post with a few important details: First of all, I have never posted anything on the internet and so this is a HUGE deal for me, considered by some to be The World’s Most Private Person.  Secondly, I do not even remotely consider myself a writer, although it’s a label I wish I deserved.  I am a big reader and thus very fond of many writers, which makes me wish I qualified as one of them.  Ali is one of my favorites, as she well knows, and the thought of replacing her, if only for one day, is a bit overwhelming.

However, I promised myself a few months back that I, The World’s Most Private Person, would get out of my shell a bit and put myself out there in the world, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity….So here I am!!  Talking to all of you fine folks out here on the internet.  Whhoooooeeee!!!! Let’s just say this is a life changin’ experience for me.

At first, I found this all too strange, and I couldn’t think of anything to say.  After brainstorming awhile, it occurred to me that since this IS Ali’s blog, I should talk about something she can relate to, something that neither of us has ever discussed with each other, and something that I would like to share with her, as well as all of you, here on AliThinks.
With this settled, my mind began to wander back to my memories of Ali, which takes me to a very different time, now long past, in both our lives…

Seven years ago, I traveled to Small Town France (though not so small a town as the one Ali recently ended up in) as an exchange student.  Ali was the English teacher at my school, and one of the only Americans I knew, and this was all it took to start a friendship.  As I recall, we spent a couple of hazy nights drinking wine and eating some of her DELICIOUS cooking (To this day, I remember how she would just chop everything up and fling it into a skillet, like one of those Iron Chefs on cable TV)…we talked a lot, we drank even more, and it was loads of fun.  In fact, it’s been awhile since I’ve had that good a time (cue pathetic music).

All this happened a long time ago.  I returned home 5 years ago, finished school, forgot most of my French, and headed off to other faraway places in search of my life.  Many things changed for Ali as well. 

This past year brought us both back home—and by “home” I mean the US, the country where we were born.  The stress and exhilaration of returning to the “familiar” after so long that it is no longer familiar to us is a challenge we both face every day.  And for some lucky reason, after 5 years and all the other people and places and things, we found each other again, and thanks to the internet, we are able to share these experiences.

In writing this entry today, I wanted to share with you the experience Ali and I shared with each other, a long while back in another life, in another time, and in another place we call Small Town France.

Written by Aly

Guest Post: Love Is A Windy Dancer

I always have hated doing dishes.  However, in an old farmhouse where I lived at one time, it was bearable.  I had four small windows just above the sink looking out over a field.  I would stand looking out these windows daydreaming about life and my future while doing the dishes. 

I have always had a very vivid imagination.  At this time in my life, I was learning about love.  I had recently found that love is not perfect.  We have moments where our hearts burst with love for another and moments where we are simply content to be with that person.  There are bitter sweet moments and moments when we feel totally lost and out of control as well as moments that our hearts are broken and our souls scattered.

I was around seventeen years old when I thought up a story about two lovers while watching the tall grass being blown by the wind.  Here is a version of the story from memory:

I find myself standing barefoot in a long flowing nightgown looking out a large, open window framing a field lit by a full moon.  I can see the long, thin grass just on the edge of the field being courted by the wind. 

The grass, a graceful dancer, bows low as the wind greets her.  The wind takes her long thin arms throwing them up into the sky swirling her around and around to a secret music that only they can create together.  The wind presses his force upon the grass.  The grass begins to gently sway to and fro in his strong embrace.  Her long skirts swish as they dance out into the field under the moonlight as one. 

As the wind picks up speed he finds more beautiful dancers waiting for his touch.  He deserts his new found lover for the sweet embrace of a new partner.  He picks his new companion up only to quickly fling her aside for another and another creating huge ripples in the field. 

After some time he becomes exhausted and saddened.  He misses his lover.  He races to her side, gently caressing her slender, fragile figure.  She bows low for a long time, thinking if she should return to his arms or not.  He teases her with bursting steps of energy promising to never leave her side again.  The grass spins slowly around knowing that her heart will not flutter uncontrolably without the winds force tickling her into life.  She surrenders and returns his gusts of love with quick and steady leaps.  They step back out into the field prancing and laughing together just as the music softly starts.

By Pumpkin

Guest Post: Tilting At Windmills in the 21st Century

Hi! Hiding behind my anonymity as owld_skipper, I have leapt into the void created by Ali’s search for a little R-and-R. It wasn’t until I actually started to put some words together that I realized what a challenge being a fill-in blogger would be. I have been reading AliThinks for some time now, and I know what a personal thing her blog is. AliThinks is very much Ali, and she and I have very different histories and experiences. So, I wondered what I could write that would complement and add to what she has created.

One thing that Ali and I share is the experience of viewing North American life from the perspective of living in Europe. Eighteen months ago Ms. owld_s and I moved to Spain as part of her let’s-have-an-adventure project. I expected a different culture and a different way of life, and I haven’t been disappointed.

Where I have been disappointed is in my inability to master Spanish the way that I know Ali mastered French. I am nowhere even close to her kind of proficiency. Oh, I’ve taken some courses and I read the newspaper everyday (I can actually read more than I can speak) and I try to tune into some Spanish TV. The problem is that the spoken language comes into my ears as one long, continuous sound – one lonnnnng, continuous and meaningless sound. Sure, I can hear the lilt, the crisp vowels, the rolled ‘r’s, and the ‘c’s that are pronounced like ‘th’, I just can’t hear words.

What makes it worse is that if I speak a little bit of Spanish the person I am speaking to makes a leap of faith and assumes that I am “fluent”. They just speak more quickly and I just hear noise at a faster rate. ¡Que pena!

People tell me that I just have to keep plugging at it and one day it will seem like someone has thrown a switch and understanding will come flooding in. Hate to tell you this, but I’m still waiting for that day. Never mind though, I’ve found another class, a more relaxed slower-paced class, more in tune with the rhythms of life. Twice a week I meet with a really good teacher, three moms and their three one-year olds.

The theory is that the tots will play while the adults learn Spanish. The truth is that when the going gets tough, owld_s scoops one of the little guys up on his knee and helps them scribble all over his notes.  A very quixotic approach to the whole process, ¿no?

Guest Post: What Makes A Blog?

When Alison sent out her request for guest bloggers, I immediately said, "Yes!" Then I had a brief panic attack because it's OK to spout a bunch of boring drivel about my family, my job, and my life on my own site, but NOT on someone else's.

I have put inane quizzes on mine that have identified me by holiday symbol, animal, musical group, etc... I have written whiny posts that I have looked at afterward with loathing.I have solicited other people's advice on parenting, teaching, marriage, and issues that have impacted me. I never would have imagined all the day to day and bigger events that I have blogged about. Two years ago, I would have laughed if anyone had told me that I would include photos, video, and links on my site. I could barely even remember how to post, much less do anything I considered "fancy." I would have been shocked to realize that I share some pretty personal issues with other blog buddies--and they understand me better than many who know me in real life.

Perhaps it's partly the distance; it's a kind of safety net. Bloggers can deal with each other by choice--every day, once in a while, or never. I can just stop going to a site, or start visiting a new and interesting place. I choose what to write about, when and how often. I am still amazed, and delighted that people read anything I write or comment on it. I have come to value the connection as much as the journal itself. So, what is a blog then? It is anything and everything we want it to be--that's the power and wonder of it all.

By Margaret

Guest Post: I'd Probably Be The First To Starve

BlueHeronDruid says:

On the beach tonight a gull had scored himself a starfish, and was vigorously defending his prize against four or five other gulls. He shook it about and a piece broke off, sending the other gulls into a frenzy. The piece was picked up and flown away in a heartbeat.

The gull shook the starfish again and this time the larger part of the meal broke off, but leaving the gull with a substantial mouthful. The nearest interloper snagged the huge remainder and slowly and silently (not to mention smugly) walked further down the beach. The original gull meanwhile dropped the piece of meat into the bay a few times, as if to wash the sand off, and then gulped it down.

It was a pleasant moment, to stand there and watch this drama unfold. As I walked away I began to think about nature, and human nature, vis-a-vis this little Mutual of Omaha moment. The conclusions I came to were not entirely pleasant, but neither is nature, so all in all, I have to believe that the mechanisms for survival are based in rather benign behavior.

It's entirely plausible that we as a species wouldn't be here today without a healthy dose of competitive survival behaviors. Theft and killing are certainly part of those behaviors. And I began to wonder if our "civilized" behaviors would put us at a disadvantage in certain scenarios - is the person with a less-developed "conscience" better prepared to survive, having fewer behavioral barriers to overcome in order to procure nourishment and shelter for himself or his people?

I wonder. Then again, I also wonder what the urge to procreate feels like now that we've developed intellects that not only allow but also dictate that we countermine our animal nature.

But also I wonder why teenage girls of a certain size wear hip-huggers that make them look as though they're being squeezed out of a tube, all jiggly and overhanging. I wonder why reality shows are so popular. I wonder why we are drawn to look at car wrecks. I spend a lot of time wondering about a lot of things even though I'm not even all that entirely interested in knowing the answers.

The one thing I'm not wondering about, however, is why I never get anything done. And damn! I'm pretty hungry.

Guest Post: And Now For Something Completely Different

Hi everybody. I'm Catheroo from Catheroominations. Ali asked me to be one of her guest bloggers while she recharges. 

Yup. Ali's gone for a little while.

Hey! Let's talk smack about her. Wanna?

Nah. How could you say anything bad about Ali?

Wait. She's not here. We have no supervision. You know what that means. Raging blog kegger!! Party on, dudes! Charge a cover, and hire strippers! Sweet!

Except, oh...I'm sort of the blogger right now, and that probably makes me like responsible for you people or something. Must maintain decorum at AliThinks. Ha. She didn't know who she was asking to guest blog today. Had she been aware of my babysitting skills, she may not have extended the invitation.

Back in the early 80's, I babysat to make ends meet (whatever ends I needed to meet at 12 years old). [Insert squiggly flashback thingees onto your screen]

Me: Uhm. Are you supposed to be jumping on the bed like that?
Brat: Yeah, Mom says it's cool.
Me: OK, then. But, uh, I think you shouldn't be smoking. 
Brat: Nah, it's OK. Dad's trying to quit and I'm removing the temptation. 
Me: Wow. That's really thoughtful of you.
Brat: Yeah. I'm a Boy Scout
Me: Good for you. But really, do you need to be drinking that beer?
Brat: Yeah, Dad and me...we're trying to earn the alcohol awareness badge at next weekend's Jamboree.
Me: It's great that you and your dad are so close. You're a sweet kid.
Brat: There's more beer in the fridge. Want one?
Me: Hell yeah!

The kids loved me. But they never saw me again. Yeah, I'm not so good being in charge, so y'all go ahead. Play ball in the house. Stay up past your bedtime. Eat a whole pack of Oreos. and don't worry about brushing your teeth. Oh, and that math homework? You're right, you'll never use it.

Let's toilet-paper this here blog. I've got rolls and rolls of it at my blog. Who's with me?

On Hiatus

Stay tuned for some cool guest bloggers...