AliThinks

Dammit

Cock and Balls.

Gripe

It annoys me when American journalists insist on perpetuating the stereotype that French people say "ooh la la" all the time.

Guess what? They don't.

Foodstuffs

Michael Ruhlman has written a great blog post about real food. Go read it. Here's one of the more significant paragraphs:

The sad fact is that fresh food that is good for you is significantly more expensive than the processed crap that truly is bad for our diet, not to mention our food production system.  And the people who most need food to be healthy are the ones who can least afford it.  The millions of Americans on a restricted food budget will see little choice other than to buy the cheap calories provided by agribusiness corn.

Amen.

Subversive

We are in a hotel in Erie, PA, and I just got back from the free! breakfast. I chose oatmeal, and struggled to spoon brown sugar and raisins into my bowl.

Why was it hard? Because the spoons were positioned to the right, and I am left-handed. Now, I could have turned the sugar and raisin bowls in order to use my left hand, but I hadn't had any coffee yet. I'm always a little dim before I get some caffeine in me.

Once I had finished my task, however, I gave each bowl a counterclockwise half-turn, and went to eat my breakfast. I hope some right-hander has a hard time of it for just a moment. You southpaws out there know what I am talking about.

An Open Letter To The Woman In 21E

Honey,

Doing stretches and lunges (LUNGES!) in the aisle does not endear you to your fellow passengers.

xoxo,

Alison

Today's Secret Ingredient Is...

You have to listen to me rant before you can have the pie crust recipe.

We get a number of foodie-type catalogs: Dean & Deluca, Sur La Table, Williams-Sonoma, et al. The other day we got a new one called Cooking Enthusiast. I was flipping through it today when I saw the recipe wheel:

No longer do you have to scratch your head over simple fractions when you want to increase or decrease a recipe. Spin the wheel on this ingenious magnet and you can double, triple, half or third a recipe.

Just how hard is it to halve or double a recipe? I'll admit that thirding something might take a little more brain power, but who in their everloving mind thirds a recipe anyway?

And believe me, I'm no math whiz. I quit math after high school geometry and avoided the math requirement in college by taking science courses instead. (Don't ask me the logic of that, but I was damned if I was going to take remedial math in college, and that's what they wanted me to do.) But I can, um, figure out pretty easily that half of 1/2 cup is 1/4. I even know that a third of 1/2 cup is 1/6 cup.

This is a prime example of dumbing-down a process. But we're not stupid, we're lazy. On the other hand, if you don't use your muscles you lose them, and it's the same with brain cells. This is why I will never own a recipe wheel. This is why I still add, subtract, multiply, and divide on paper a lot of the time.

Okay. Rant over. The secret ingredient is VODKA, and the recipe is below the fold.

A Letter To My Namesake

Dear Alison,

I suppose you are wondering who I am and how I got your address. For some time now, I have been receiving your e-mails, because Gmail [in its infinite stupidity, -ed.] does not recognize dots in e-mail addresses.

This is how I became aware of your trip to Majorca. I hope you had a good time. This morning I received another e-mail from EasyJet. I logged into your account in order to unsubscribe and saw your address and phone number.

I thought I'd write you a note informing you that I've been getting your e-mails. For Gmail, alisonDOTnameATgmailDOTcom = alisonnameATgooglemailDOTcom.

Unless you choose a new user name, I will continue to get your mail. If I have a bone to pick, it's with Gmail, not you. However, I will continue to unsubscribe you from e-newsletters if I continue receiving them.

Thanks for your understanding.

Regards,

Alison SameExactNameAsYou

Rolling My Eyes

...because fuckin' Wendy's is using a Violent Femmes song in a commercial.

Allan thinks it's okay, because it allows the musicians to make an extra buck. I see his point.

But really. The Femmes? Wendy's? It's almost worse than Iggy Pop and that cruise line.

Oh hey, here are the lyrics to that song. Just so you can see how WRONG it is to use it to sell fast food:

When I'm a walking, I strut my stuff, then I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite, I just might, stop to check you out

Let me go on, like a blister in the sun
Let me go on, big hands I know you're the one

Body and beats, I stain my sheets, I don't even know why
My girl friend, she's at the end, she is starting to cry

Let me go on, like a blister in the sun
Let me go on, big hands I know you're the one

Whisper:

When I'm a walking, I strut my stuff, then I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite, I just might, stop to check you out
When I'm a walking, I strut my stuff, then I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite, I just might, stop to check you out
Body and beats, I stain my sheets, I don't even know why
My girl friend, she's at the end, she is starting to cry
When I'm a walking, I strut my stuff, then I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite, I just might, stop to check you out

Loud:

Let me go on, like a blister in the sun
Let me go on, big hands I know you're the one

Yah. The anthem of many an 80s teenager. Fuckin' Wendy's. Need I say more?

Yeah, Tired.

I've just spent the last four and some hours reading - nay, devouring - Bitter Is The New Black by Jen Lancaster (and hey, why won't Typepad let me turn her name into a link to her website?). Anyway, her site is http://jennsylvania.com, and her book was damn funny. It took me a moment to not be annoyed by the constant footnotes, but other than that, it was a great read. I recommend it, if you enjoy reading snappy commentary, blog-style. (I have to laugh, because I used to write that way. Alas, I no longer do.)

It's now a proven fact that I cannot sleep without chemical enhancement. This is not new, but I suspect my lack of exercise for the past two three months isn't helping either. So, um, yeah. I've got the four a.m. migraine coming on and am not confident in ibuprofen's ability to help.

Random thoughts that come shooting out of my brain, hooray for insomnia! And lack of coherent thought! Or ability to channel synapses! And that last one didn't even make sense!

So. How ya'll are?

Edit: Has anyone out there tried valerian as a sleep aid?

Insomniac

Insomniac, originally uploaded by Alison.