Yesterday Sucked So Hard It Pulled Today In With It

It's 3 am, and I woke up with a stabby pain in my throat, right up near my right ear. GREAT. When I wandered into the kitchen and saw that it was 2:15, I almost cried. I thought it must be about six, which would be bad, but not that bad. My attempt to fall back to sleep was unsuccessful, so here I am.

I'm still processing what happened at the clinic yesterday. It was not good. A friend wrote me an email asking how it went with my face, and here's what I wrote back, slightly edited:

With the face? HATED IT. HATE. First I filled out more forms for an hour, these psychological "quality of life" forms and "level of pain" forms. Once I was finished with that and they were ready for me, I had my blood pressure taken, and guess what? It was 149/84*, the highest it's ever been measured. I said as much, and the intake nurse muttered "All those forms will do it to you." (*I took my blood pressure—yes, we have a cuff—before bed and it was a more normal 119/79.)

Then I was asked a gajillion questions by a resident, not even the dentist assigned to me, which is fine but it would have been nice to know beforehand. She was from a foreign country, so we had a couple of communication issues until I got used to her accent.

Then when she was done, she asked "What do you think is wrong with you?" so I talked about this one stress factor that I think affects everything, you know, because why else would I have had to fill out Quality Of Life forms and all that other psych stuff? She stared at me, then she said, "No, physically. What do you think is wrong with you." And I kind of stared back at her. I was thinking "Aren't YOU supposed to tell me that?" But I told her what I thought, which was what I'd spent an hour trying to explain in between all her questions.

Then she did a physical exam and did all this shit, feeling my face, looking at my bite, measuring it, checking my teeth, making me move my jaw this way and that. Then she went to consult with the main dentist assigned to me. I had to wait about 15 minutes, and they both came back in the room.

This guy was such a jerk. He asked, "When you bite down, is your jaw tense," and I said "Yes." Then he said, "Now, with your jaw open, are you still tense?" And I said "Yes and no," and he interrupted my qualifier of that statement to say "If the one answer is 'Yes', the other answer can only be...what?" And I said "Um, no?"  He completely dismissed my need to explain, had no interest in hearing my side of the story.

Then he said my problem was muscular, which is good news. But instead of saying "Your problem is X because of Y," he asked if I had children, then asked their ages and sexes. Then he said "How does God make babies?"

I said "What?!"

He said, "Are their mouths open or closed when they're born." I must have still looked confused (I think because every baby I've ever birthed came out screaming), because he said, "Their mouths are open, that's why they drool. And that's the natural position of our mouths, the natural position of ours, and you're trying to keep yours shut."

And then he mentioned my hair color, and how redheads tend to react more hotly than other people. I said "I'm a natural blonde. Can't you see my roots?" The receptionist and the resident laughed. And so he changed it to fair-skinned people reacting more strongly, getting tense more easily, reddening more quickly than others. I pointed to the inside of my wrist and said "I'm pretty white." He replied "And that's genetic, and you can't change genetics."  Huh. Who knew?

Then he talked some more at me, then the resident showed me some guidelines for reducing tension in the jaw, reading each bullet point (which I could see and read perfectly well).

And that was it. I paid $200 to be told I'm tense. And that you can't change genetics. THANKS. I had no fucking clue!

___________________

Here are a few after-the-fact thoughts, things I was too stunned to think and verbalize at the time:

• It's a teaching clinic, I get that. It really was okay to be looked at by a resident first, and she was kind. But I expected the dentist to completely follow up what the resident did and said.
• Evoking the name of God like that is NOT acceptable for a scientist, which leads me to believe that this guy made a few assumptions about me, which angers me.
• Using the color of my hair and skin as a reason I might hold tension in my jaw, face, and body is also unacceptable. Also, WTF?
• I can't remember the last time I felt such sexism and condescension toward me. Perhaps I didn't do a good job of explaining above, but basically I felt as if I was being treated like a "little lady."
• At the time, I was incapable of saying any of this. I think I was in shock that any of it was happening. Such is my nature; I think of a snappy comeback half an hour after I need it.

I spent more than an hour yesterday afternoon talking to Allan about it; he was appalled. This week I hope to talk to my regular dentist about my experience. She needs to know what happened. After talking with her, I may write a letter to the dean. 

And I'm supposed to go back in a month for a follow-up exam. If I keep the appointment, I'll be better armed to advocate for myself.

Comments

[Lori-Lyn]

Oh my god.
I'm so sorry you had this experience.
I hope today kicks yesterday's ass for coming around.

[Tiffany]

What a douchebag! I hate health professionals like that. As though you haven't heard that from everyone along the way. If they think that you've made it all the way to a specialized pain clinic without the diagnosis of being stressed, he needs to have a professional attitude adjustment of his own.

[gorillabuns]

Seriously? using your hair color as a part of the diagnosis?

sounds more like quack medicine.

[Mrs. Happy Pants]

Mental note: do not go to the UK orofacial pain clinic.
I have the same "stress jaw clenching" issues you do.
I wish I could say I'm surprised by your experience, but given I work for UK, I'm not.
I'm still trying to figure out how they decide who is qualified to practice "medical arts."
Thus far, I'm thinking the groundhog trumps all in decision making.
Oops, there I go inserting my own source of tension into your page.
Short answer: You're right. Report his ass. :-)

[Beth]

Ugh. What an ass. I'm so sorry. But I hope you have to go back, just so you can set the guy straight.

I *hate* dismissive doctors, and in my experience, all of them are men. I went to one years ago, worried that I had something wrong with my heart. It was the first time I'd seen him, and I'd had pains that were so severe, I thought I was having a heart attack.

He said, "You're too young to have a heart attack."

WTF? Um, dude? Wanna take a few seconds to stick your stethoscope in your ears and at least pretend to care? Maybe I have a heart condition. YOU JUST MET ME.

Ass.

[bhd]

FFS. Yeah, it'll ruin your day to consult with an asshat. Reminds me of the first surgeon I consulted with - angry with me that he didn't have the films (not my job, maing!) and then "We'll do a needle biopsy at my convenience, of course." He didn't even notice that I was already dressed and heading for the door, asking them to prepare my records to take to the next guy.....

Lots of *hugs* to you. Breathe!

[Margaret]

I'm so sorry!! That's HORRIBLE! I would be like you though and so much shock that I wouldn't be able to advocate well for myself. And then I would be angry at myself as well as the people and the situation. Tense?? Of course you're tense. All the rest of us are too, but we're not having the problems you are. There is something else at work;if the arrogant dentist hadn't blown you off, he might have been able to analyse the issue.

[Krazy Kitty]

What a jerk. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. (Hair and skin color? GOD? Run!)

I once went to see a general practitioner because of the almost debilitating pain I had been feeling in my lower back for three weeks.

He told me it was just stress because of finals.

It was just before finals, but as a graduate student, I didn't have any exams. So he said it was end-of-the-quarter stress.

I told him about my history of back pain, my family's history of all kind of back problems, he said it was stress.

I wrestled a referral to an orthopedist. I had a slipped disk, linked to a rotated lumbar vertebra.

Stress, right.

To reply to Beth's comment, my mother told me she was once very much dismissed by a woman gynecologist, who basically refused to examine her because she was 32 and did not want kids yet and the doctor was not going to deal with such lunacy.

[Karan]

Absolutely write a letter of complaint....it is afterall, a teaching school and that guy can stand a lesson or two.

[Betty C.]

Yes, I agree that the letter of complaint is in order. And perhaps send a copy of this blog post too...? Would you get sued for that?

[ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇ]

Oh, good grief. What was with those two!