This afternoon my friend A. and I were at that Bastion Of Evil, Sam's Club. While looking around at the baking goods aisle, we heard a voice come on the loudspeaker.
A. immediately said, "That person has no business being on a loudspeaker."
Imagine the Teacher from Peanuts, except speaking "a kind of obsolete vernacular" (A. gave me that quote to use here). Yeah, it was bad.
And then! The person started singing! Happy Birthday! It was an atonal ode for all of Sam's Club to hear.
I burst out laughing. A. tried not to die. Later she said the singing was enough to make her question her existence.
Happy Birthday, dear Carol...
OK, maybe you had to be there.
hilarious!!
but did you get any good samples??
Posted by: rebecca | November 18, 2007 at 19:58
hilarious!!
but did you get any good samples??
Posted by: rebecca | November 18, 2007 at 19:59
No Sam's Club! Evil, evil Wal-Mart empire! Costco instead!
Posted by: Beth | November 18, 2007 at 20:20
No Costco here. I wish.
It really was an existential moment. I thought Kirkegaard may have been peering down on me from wherever-the-fuck-existentialists-go-when-they-die, pointing and laughing. Possibly poking me with a stick.
I still haven't washed that screeching hellracket out of my ears.
Posted by: senga | November 19, 2007 at 01:41
I was let into a J.C. Penney's once a few minutes before the store actually opened (the new kid didn't know the store hours apparently) just in time to hear someone over the loudspeaker say, "The customers are coming in soon! Convince them to buy! Buy, Buy, Buy!!!"
Probably not meant for our ears.
Posted by: Sandi | November 19, 2007 at 14:24
I actually love moments like that...it reminds me that not everything is canned and corporate. Plus there's that whole opportunity to mock them thing that comes with it.
Posted by: Karan | November 19, 2007 at 16:03
It sounds divinely comedic to me!
Posted by: Margaret | November 19, 2007 at 19:09
Yes, but did you get a piece of pizza? Their cheese pizza is my FAVORITE (mouth watering now...).
Posted by: Aly | November 20, 2007 at 16:27
No Sam's Club here, but there's a BJ's across from the senior citizens' most favoritest Wal-Mart in the world. The BJ's makes WM look clean, well organized, and inviting. Fortunately, we have Costco - neither store a short drive, but both convenient to other stores (I combine as much shopping into one trip as I can!)
Loudspeakers are a marvel of modern engineering. Everyone in a vast geographic expanse can misunderstand the exact same thing almost simultaneously. At band competitions, parents are encouraged to buy "airgrams" for the kids - their names and messages are announced right before they perform. This was fine at school stadiums, but at Giants Stadium and M&T Stadium, it was twice the price and completely garbled. At least nobody's lives depended on them!
Posted by: AlisonM | November 21, 2007 at 10:19