If you've driven across the state of Ohio, that is.
Hell is real, and its name is Ohio. I have recently documented my travels across this hijacked blue state here, and further back here (in this post I mention the HELL IS REAL sign). It might be inferred that I do not like Ohio. Not true. It's a charming state full of little college towns and big cities. It has Trader Joe's and Jungle Jim's. If that weren't enough, there's Grandpa's Cheese Barn in Ashland (World Headquarters of Nice People, says the sign) and the Akron Brewing Company in, well, Akron. The signs for Grandpa's Cheese Barn (MEATS ● CHEESE ● GIFTS ● FUDGE) made Allan and me giggle. By the time we got to Akron and saw the Brewery, we were loopy enough to make up names for the different beers: Big Rubber Beer! Vulcan Ale! Steel Belt Brew!
So you see, I do not hate Ohio, Sam I am. I just hate driving across it. By the time we reached Youngstown, Allan was making up new slogans. Ohio: Pretty Much Over The Top In Suck and Dyson Ain't Got Nothin' On Ohio had us both laughing. Our relief at being welcomed into Pennsylvania was audible.
We told my sister-in-law, who grew up near Cleveland, about our drive and the slogans that ensued. She grinned and said "Ohio, the heart of it all!"
Indeed. Ohio is kind of shaped like a heart, so the slogan is apt.
I had to laugh when we stopped at a rest stop on the way back here the other day. We happened to be at the Ohio Welcome Center, and I saw a sign with the "Heart Of It All" slogan on it. The cool thing was that it was translated into several languages.
What made me laugh was the French translation: Le Noyau Des États-Unis. The francophones reading this will giggle as well. Un noyau is a pit, as in olive, cherry, apricot. "Ohio, The Pit Of The United States." (More figuratively, un noyau can be the center of something, but we'll stick with the literal here, since it fits my agenda).
HELL IS REAL, and it's also The Pit Of The United States.
Ahhh, I have driven across Ohio more than I care to admit. You have my sympathies.
Posted by: Chris | June 02, 2006 at 19:43
Ohio is at least interesting. Try Kansas. Totally flat. Big interest was the wheat height. Made Ohio look like Broadway on opening night. Pass the wine. wine, wine, wine.
Posted by: Monty | June 03, 2006 at 01:59
Ohio is Latin for: "Long drive that causes insanity."
Posted by: duke | June 03, 2006 at 07:01
I have flown over it, I'm sure--but never driven. (and probably never will) Did I ever tell you about one of my junior high colleagues who was very proud of teaching her students some restaurant French, like "The bill, please." She had them saying "Le bec, s'il vous plait." I thought it was hilarious. Then there was a colleague at my high school many years ago who got ahold of the verb baiser, and used it for kiss, as in Baisez-moi, je parle francais.
Posted by: Margaret | June 03, 2006 at 13:44
Margaret! Ha ha ha ha! Baisez-moi!
(The verb baiser means to fuck. The noun, un baiser, is a kiss. And confusion ensued.)
Posted by: Alison | June 03, 2006 at 16:04
Hee. I saw that very same sign on my drive to Florida last year. And I discovered that Ohio is secretly huge, and the traffic is insane. You have my sympathy - and hell is definitely real in Ohio traffic!
Posted by: Suzy | June 03, 2006 at 16:35
Le noyau c'est bizarre en effet !
bon !... accessoirement c'est une très belle chanson de CSN&Y il me semble.
Non ?
Posted by: Mille Pattes | June 04, 2006 at 07:41
My dad had to drive across Ohio once for work. I think he said the same things!
Posted by: Katherine | June 04, 2006 at 09:41
yeah, i always knew that living here was the pits. that's the best laugh i've had in awhile. :-)
Posted by: ally bean | June 04, 2006 at 11:36
I wanted to comment on "another head shaker" but somehow couldn't find the comment button. Anyway, I have run into several offers like this, also for companies that obviously do that for a living. Hey, at least this guy started his term paper!
Posted by: Betty C. | June 04, 2006 at 13:24
Sans compter qu'on écrit bienvenuE
Posted by: vilay | June 04, 2006 at 16:53
What is it with you and Ohio? Did someone from Ohio once break your heart?
Posted by: Neil | June 04, 2006 at 19:12
Okay, people, Typepad is NOT sending me comment notifications. I hereby acknowledge all comments made to this post, and will respond to you people if and when Typepad ever gets its butt off the waxing table.
Thank you.
Posted by: Alison | June 04, 2006 at 19:47
Ohio is...odd, to say the least. I love crazy signs like those though.
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is awesome. It seems that not too many people listen to them or atleast care to say they listen to them.
Posted by: Johnny C. | June 13, 2006 at 16:53
The song Ohio is about a peaceful protest against Vietnam war in Kent State, Ohio. Four young students (19-20) Jeffrey Miller, Allison Krause, William Schroeder, and Sandra Scheuer died from National Guards fire. This was Nixon's presidential turn with Vietnam.
Then Neil Young wrote the song Ohio.
"The day that Nixon's coming, 4 dead in Ohio.." Not so nice.
Posted by: Jean | April 07, 2008 at 22:15
The song Ohio is about a peaceful protest against Vietnam war in Kent State, Ohio. Four young students (19-20) Jeffrey Miller, Allison Krause, William Schroeder, and Sandra Scheuer died from National Guards fire. This was Nixon's presidential turn with Vietnam.
Then Neil Young wrote the song Ohio.
"The day that Nixon's coming, 4 dead in Ohio.." Not so nice.
Posted by: Jean | April 07, 2008 at 22:16