I bet Alison thought I would never get this post through to her. When she asked me last week to guest post here I said yes but I honestly wondered why I was even invited... My own site bores even me to tears! I have turned into one serious lazy-ass blogger lately. It's been over a week since I've posted on my own site and really, I have thousands (well maybe dozens) of things I could blog about but it all seems so tedious and trite when I start to post it. I'm even too lazy to organise one of these little hiatus thingies of my own!
Anyway... I have been thinking a lot about 'change' lately because it seems to be the one 'constant' in my life. It seems to be the only thing I can count on to, with out a doubt, be waiting for me just around the corner. It has been all my life, and yet I am still knocked off my guard when I round that bend and 'change' is there to smack me square in the jaw.
What amazes me more than being caught unaware by 'change' is the fact that I actually seem to embrace it!! I find my happy face and my happy heart and just start marching. If I were someone on the outside looking in, I would even venture to say that I thrived on it... But I'm not so sure. Being the one on the inside looking out, it feels more like I am just putting a brave face on. Somewhere, in my depths, I am sure I am a Stay-er, not a Go-er. But 'change' never lets me be who I want to be. I long to plant a wisteria beside a sunny wall in the dream-courtyard of my life and watch it grow, year in and year out: creeping and climbing on the stones and supports, flowering, shedding its leaves and repeating its cycle until the trunk and branches become thick, gnarled, twisted wood. But no... *sigh*, 'change' says it is time to go again. Now, where did I put my happy face?!
I guess I better get back to packing...
Maybe you just need a potted plant, or a picture of a wisteria. maybe you could get Ali to take a photo of a full grown wisteria and you could get it framed and hang it next to your computer. You get both permanence and change.
Posted by: Monty | April 14, 2006 at 08:27
great idea monty.
whenever we've had to move on I always found myself chanting to myself "change is good, change is good, ..." and eventually I believe it.
hang in there.
Posted by: ally bean | April 14, 2006 at 08:58
I find change very unsettling also. I think Monty's idea to make your own permanence is great. However, you are allowed to be NOT immediately happy, and take some time to adjust.
Posted by: Margaret | April 14, 2006 at 21:48
Oh Amber, I feel for you. But I suspect that this move might be "the move", it just sounds as if it's what you all need to be doing at this time in your lives, if that makes sense.
Posted by: Daisy | April 19, 2006 at 09:18