During my thirteen years in France, I dealt with bureaucracy on so many different levels it's not even funny. Somehow in all my travails there, I absorbed the notion that the United States possesses a much more efficient system.
Okay, you can stop laughing now.
This afternoon I spent approximately 40 minutes at the Social Security Office. You see, I misplaced my card, which I need to produce in order to get a Kentucky driver's license. It doesn't matter that I know the number and have never had to show the card for ANYTHING, EVER. I have to prove to the DMV that I have a number.
Another thing I have to show to the DMV -- and to Social Security -- is my birth certificate, as if my passport and my very being weren't proof enough that I'm a real live Ammurican. I ordered the certificate online, and it arrived in yesterday's mail, so I thought I was good to go. Today I took the needed documents to the Social Security office, so that I could get a new card, so that I can get a driver's license. Following me?
Well, the guy at Social Security didn't need the birth certificate after all. My passport was enough. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I had to wait my turn, of course. I had to take a number. When I walked in the place (a big room full of chairs and four "windows"), I noticed the sign right in front of my face: PLEASE SIGN IN HERE. YOU WILL BE CALLED BY YOUR NUMBER.
Okaaaayy...Got my number and sat down. And for ten minutes, no one was called. Then, "N450, Window 2 please!" I was N458.
I was reminded of France, and the interminable waits at la préfecture, la sécu, l'Assedic, l'ANPE. Take a number. Sit and wait.
More people came in to the office, and every.single.one of them strode right up to the first window to get their business done. And every time, the employee would say "Have you signed in yet at the black kiosk over there?"
It was almost closing time, so I imagine that the guy was yelling in his head "Did you NOT SEE THE HUGE MACHINE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU WHEN YOU WALKED IN THE DOOR!" I know that with each new person, I was getting more tense and screaming progressively louder "You have to wait your turn! Why the fuck do you think we are ALL! SITTING! HERE!" It sure wasn't because we wanted to watch The Guiding Light, although that might have been the reason for some, now that I think about it.
I was rather close to all the windows, so I got to eavesdrop a little. One woman was there with her young son; he needed a new card in order to get a photo ID. I heard her ask, "Now, will he get a whole new number?" My "Oh my GOD" was quite audible. I hope people just thought I was being impatient.
Speaking of stupid people...nah. That'll be the subject of another blog entry.
So I'm getting a new Social Security card. As you may know, you're not supposed to carry your card on you, so I'll stick it in a drawer somewhere until the next time I need to show it, at which point I'll probably have to get a new one, because I'll have lost this one. And so it goes.
New adventures in bureaucracy on Monday, when I go to the Department of Motor Vehicles to get a driver's license.
Now you have really gone and done it. You are messing with the gravitational constant of the universe. For every cable channel there is a Social Security Office; for every delight, a counterveiling mind-numbing leveling administrative horror impossed by a loving government that only wants what is best for us, but was designed by Satre when he was drunk.
It might help pass the time to day dream about Alicia, the anit-Buraeucrat who streaks through Agencies getting things done efficiently while bug eyed clerks stare in shock at her rapid movements. Beats heavy drinking, and you could write a screen play while you're waiting.
Welcome home, to the real balanced United States, the one with hiccups.
Posted by: Monty | March 24, 2006 at 19:18
OMG! I laughed my ass off!!
(course it helps that I'm stoned btw)
Posted by: barb | March 24, 2006 at 20:09
Fireproof lock box. Under the bed. I'm just saying.
Posted by: bhd | March 24, 2006 at 21:45
Since I have a teenage(almost) driver, we have spent MANY hours waiting at the DMV. It is mind-numbing.
Posted by: Margaret | March 25, 2006 at 01:51
40 minutes, hayell, that ain't nothin! I'd say you got pretty lucky :) All things considered...
When I am in such places, I just think about being in India instead. Where to get things like that done, you apparently have to wait like eight hours. And if you leave your spot to go peepee you lose it.
It helps to have low expectations.
Posted by: J. Star | March 25, 2006 at 09:10
What a story. but that's how it is. Being as I work for one of those government Tight Ass
places, I have to say it's all caused by a) stupidity, b) anal retentiveness (hence the Tight Ass nickname) and c) the employees quickly learn to utilize the power that being a bureaucrat affords them.
Which then leads to stupidity, and so on and so on. So it's a vicious cycle that will never be broken.
Once in a blue moon you might get lucky and get someone who knows what they are doing (Me!)and how to get things done effciently, but you have to go thru 5 of the above to find that person.
I have no idea where my card is, so thanks for the tip on what I can expect.
Posted by: Susan | March 25, 2006 at 09:36
That doesn't sound like an enjoyable time at all! funny how much of a hassle tha turned out to be. My purse was stolen and I had to get a new drivers liscense and social security card.... I tried to do it myself and couldn't do it. So I whined to my dad. he went into the courthouse in my home town, walked out with my birth certificate and a new drivers liscense for me (he had the temp) It saved me a lot of hassle. Thank god for dad's.
Posted by: cj | March 25, 2006 at 11:29
The fireproof box is a damned good suggestion. I've been telling myself for years that we need to get one to put all of our important documents and such in. Someday I may even listen to myself and actually do.
I feel your pain. I tell Chris that I'll never ever divorce him simply because I refuse to go through the whole changing of my name thing again.
Posted by: Crystal | March 25, 2006 at 21:04
I am very sorry for you, very sorry that you had to deal with the French bureaucracy. But be objective in your analysis: Bureaucracy is not the problem, the problem is that it is run by the French.
Bureaucracy in itself is not negative, bureaucracy is process, rigour, certainty, control. I have lived in countries far more bureaucratic than France, like Belgium (the capital!) and Germany, but there things work. If they tell you that you need to fill out twenty copies of the same form and produce your Passport, you can rest assured that every single step is necessary and will lead you to your final goal.
Here, the problem is that bureaucratic processes are run by the French, and they run governmental processes exactly with the same motivation and happiness that they serve you a pizza in Pizza Marzano.
If a French buraucrat gets on your way next time, don't blame bureaucracy but the French culture itself.
Uranus
Posted by: Uranus | March 27, 2006 at 15:13
Uranus,
My post wasn't really about the French, but I'll indulge you and your troll-like comment.
First, you can't be a foreigner in France and NOT deal with the bureaucracy. So don't be "sorry" that I had to deal with it.
Second, I lived there long enough to completely assimilate to French society: its customs, language, quirky habits. Hey, what do you know? I even became French!
I also worked for the French government, you know, as one of those dreaded functionaries (or in one of those secure jobs so coveted by the French youth, depending on your point of view). Yet I'm lucid enough to be able to recognize France's faults -- and yes, the faults of the French, too -- just as I am able to see what is wrong with the U.S. and Americans.
So I've read your comment and I'm here to call BULLSHIT.
Of course, what else could it be, coming from someone called Uranus?
Posted by: Alison | March 27, 2006 at 15:37
Have you ever met anyone who bragged about his or her country's efficient bureaucracy? In fact, isn't efficient bureaucracy an oxymoron?
Posted by: bcinfrance | March 28, 2006 at 09:03
Hey Ali, stop drinking coffee!
I am sorry if I offended you. It shows that you "became" French. I take a different perpective since I have not "assimilated" to the French. I have lived in many countries before being punished and sent to Paris and probably because of this I have not assimilated anywhere... what should I assimilate anyways??? When I lived in Germany, should I have assimilated THE BEER???
It is because I have lived and have travelled to many countries, that I have developed an ability to compare bureaucratic systems, and I can tell you that the French bureaucracy is THE WORST that I know or have heard of.
I am sorry to hear that you have assimilated to the French because I am sure that you came with some culture or values that were probably as good or better than those of the French.
Posted by: Uranus | March 28, 2006 at 18:03
I am sorry to hear that you have assimilated to the French because I am sure that you came with some culture or values that were probably as good or better than those of the French.
Thanks, Uranus. Open-mindedness, for example, is just one of the values I came with.
Posted by: Alison | March 28, 2006 at 18:17