I've Looked At Clouds That Way, Yeah.

The summer I turned 14 I went to a week-long camp, where I met the boy who would become my first boyfriend.  His name was John, he was a year younger, and he lived about 20 miles away from me. 

I liked him so much.  After camp ended, and we exchanged phone numbers and addresses, I missed him.  Camp ended on a Saturday; the following evening I called him.  We started writing letters to each other.  We'd call each other every so often.  We sent each other Far Side cartoons that we'd cut out of the newspaper. 

And so John became my boyfriend. 

I took him to my 10th grade Homecoming dance.  I don't think he wore any cologne, but I wore Love's Baby Soft Musk.  We slow-danced together.  I didn't wash my dress for a while.  It hung in my closet, and every once in a while I'd sniff it, remembering "us".  That amused my mom. 

One time I was visiting him, and we were lying on his sister's bed.  She was older, away at college, and John shared a room with his brother Rob.  John and I lay close together, facing each other, talking.  He whispered to me, "I love you soooo much."   My entire body tingled. 

Then another time when I was at his house, or maybe it was later that same afternoon, we were sitting on the steps that led upstairs.  There were bookshelves running down one of the walls, and John pulled out a Peanuts hardcover book.  He read the title out loud. 

"Kiss Her, You Blockhead!"

I couldn't hold back.  I blurted out, "Yeah!" 

John and I had never kissed.  I had never BEEN kissed.  And I was 14 and a half and anxious to gain some experience. 

We went to his room and walked to his side of it.  Stood there.  And he kissed me, awkwardly, hesitantly, sloppily.  It felt weird and wonderful.  And a little gross. 

So why am I telling you this? 

Well...John's older, away-at-college sister was a big fan of Joni Mitchell, and John really liked her too.  I thought that was a little weird and outdated and sappy, because I was all into Duran Duran and other cool MTV groups.  But we were compatible in every other way, so I let it slide. 

It wasn't until college, when I heard her song "Coyote" that I caught an inkling of how great Joni Mitchell is.  Fast forward another 13 years or so, and I heard even more Joni Mitchell on RP.   I thought of John, thought that he was either an old soul or ahead of his time. 

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev’rywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

These words floated into my head during my shower this morning.  Why, I don't know.  We learned the song in 4th or 5th grade music class with Mrs. Ramsey.  I'm not sure who wrote it, Judy Collins or Joni Mitchell, but I know we listened to the Joni Mitchell version in music class. 

It all came together this morning.  I understood why I'd thought John was a little weird and outdated and sappy for liking Joni Mitchell: "Both Sides Now" was the only song I'd ever heard her sing.  (And admit it, you think it's a sappy song, too). 

Well, I didn't say it then, but I'll say it now:  John, you rocked!  (For a 13-year old blockhead). 

Comments

[Allan]

:)

[Sue]

:)

[Daisy]

Yep, that made me smile too. Thanks Ali.

[coldbear]

:)

[newwavegurly]

As much as I love music, I'm always amazed at how those little things from when we were younger seem to come full circle once we're older, and can understand them better.

[newwavegurly]

Okay, and RIGHT after I posted my comment here, Joni Mitchell came on at RP. Psychic playlist is even extending into the blogosphere now!

[Amber]

OMG! I love this post! I went to camp when I was 13... fell in love with Kerry... Move to Scotland when I was 14 and lost contact with him for 17 years. 3.5 years ago I found him again on classmates.com and then last September when I was in the states I got to go see him and his wife and his little boy...We had a wonderful time! A part of me still loves Kerry.