Thursday, 9:15 a.m.

My 8th graders.  The ones I'm in charge of, the ones I'll be taking to England in May. 

They're nice kids.  They get good grades.  They're interested and interesting.  But this morning I broke out in tears, because they were jabbering to each other, and I couldn't stop them. 

I felt so powerless!  It was like I wasn't even there.  Yet they knew I was there, because a few of them asked me some questions about our springtime trip.

I'm here at my desk, and they are at theirs, doing different exercises in their English books.  Some of them are whispering to each other.  I told them I needed a few more minutes before I could start to work with them. 

While I was sitting here, head in hands, someone wrote me a note: "We're sorry for the noise.  Pardon us." 

I told them it's not them.  It's ALL of them.  It's the time of year.  It's the pregnant girl in my other 8th grade class, the one who undermines what little authority I have. It's the 6th-grade boy who (I'm sure) has ADD.   It's the fatigue. 

They understand, these kids.  At least I think so.  Their classmate B. lost his father on Tuesday.  Suicide.  I'm not sure they know the cause of his death, but they know that B's life took a twist, and that people are fragile. 

I forgive them for the noise.  I was in 8th grade once, too.  It's kind of nice to sit here at my desk and have them do all the work. 

Don't ever think teachers have it easy.  It's fucking hard to put on a mask every day, to get on this stage in front of that audience. 

Comments

[Allan]

I don't know how you, or anybody, does that job, day after day.

You are all saints.

[coldbear]

J'ai participé, cet été, à un stage d'improvisation.
J'avais choisi un rôle de "M. Loyal', celui qui présente les numéros au cirque. Il fallait que je dégage de l'autorité, que j'affirme ma présence.
Dans un premier temps, je l'ai joué "forcé", avec un masque comme tu dis. J'étais inquiétant et agressif, mais pas autoritaire.

J'ai appris à rester moi-même, tout en dégageant le maximum de présence, j'ai exercé le regard, la posture, les silences, la voix sans pour autant chercher à me donner un rôle.

Et ça allait beaucoup mieux. L'autorité venait d'elle-même, le plus dur devenant d'accepter d'être celui qui capte l'attention. Depuis je l'applique dans mon travail avec beaucoup de succès. Peu de contrôle sur ce que je dis, je me concentre plutôt sur ma posture, mon regard, ma présence, mon existence face à l'autre.

Mais chacun trouve sa route. Tu trouveras la tienne.
Je suis avec toi.

[btezra]

~not only do I believe that teachers are underappreciated and take far too much shit from students who lack any idea of what it means to respect those who are older than them, I also believe they are greatly underpaid for what they do...my sister is a teacher, I base what I say from her experience and friends who teach as well...why no ttake 1% of what King George spends on bombs and making his freinds rich and put that into education, at least pay teachers more, give them more tools to teach, better technology...?~

[Dave]

You're bringing them HERE? In MAY? [ Starts making travel plans to avoid rampaging French high-school students loose in his fair country ;) ]

Seriously - they sound like good kids. Excited and maybe with rowdy inclinations, but thoughtful too. And they have a great teacher :)

For the need ALWAYS to perform, ALWAYS to try and present a professional, controlled front, no matter what you feel at the time: hugs. And very much respect.

[newwavegurly]

I understand what you're going through. I don't have nearly the same issues that you do, but they're issues dealing with students just the same.

One of the things I've been telling myself lately is that although they don't appreciate what we're doing for them now, they will appreciate it some time in the future. (or at least I like to think so)

[Alison]

Thanks for all the comments, people. Today is another day...
I'll just do my job the best I can.

Maybe I'll have some good anecdotes to post over the weekend.

[Allan]

Yes. Today is just another day. And I know you will do a great job.

Please do post the juicy stuff. ;)

[Geoffrey]

I sometimes almost unravel with looking after an 8 month old baby and and 8 year old Einstein - I have no idea how you and other teachers do it.
It's more than I can manage.