I just have to write about this, because it makes me laugh, and I really need to laugh as much as I can right now.
My kids have plantar warts.
Okay, so that's not very funny. In my son T's case, it's really not funny, because he has about ten of them.
(Thank you, municipal swimming pool!)
So I bought some wart medicine, right? At first -- upon recommendation of the pharmacist -- I got these little tabs with the salicylic acid right on them. You just put a little tab on the wart, cover it with a Band-Aid, and you're good to go. Except that the package of 10 tabs costs about 8€. You're supposed to change the sticker every night. I'll let you do that math on that one.
Exit cute little wart stickers.
Enter stinky liquid wart medicine.
The problem with the stinky liquid is that the acid it contains not only eats the wart, but it also eats the surrounding skin.
Before you go firing off any e-mails or comments at me about how you can apply nail polish to protect the skin, let me assure you that I KNOW THAT.
My surprisingly-large-because-I'm-so-earthy collection of nail polish was in the other house. The one I left.
I know. Can you believe it? I took off without my nail polish. What was I thinking?
Fortunately, my husband had the presence of mind to start using the nail polish on the kids' skin last weekend. Not only that, he urged me to take my surprisingly large collection of toenail decor with me when I picked the children up. Which I did.
Now the game is "How many colors can I paint on my feet under the pretext of protecting my tender skin from the stinky wart medicine?"
Well. That was the game until the other night, when my son T. watched his big sister paint her toenails (WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST, the little chipie).
He said, "Too bad nail polish is just for girls."
I replied, "Yeah, it is too bad. But why do you say that?"
He answered, "Because it's pretty. I wish you could paint my toenails."
A couple of thousand thoughts ran through my head. Thoughts like "Just do it." and "Don't worry, he won't grow up to be a cross-dresser" and "Oh my God, what am I about to do?"
I said "Don't tell your friends."
And I painted his little toenails a lovely translucent pale blue. They actually look nice.
I drew the line last night, though. He wanted to change colors. I refused.
Truth is, I'm out of nail polish remover.
LOL
Best. Post. Ever.
Posted by: Allan | October 16, 2004 at 07:56
I don't mean to make fun of the warts. I know how much they can hurt.
I do hope they clear up soon.
But the toenail part is still a hoot.
Posted by: Allan | October 16, 2004 at 08:37
Very cute. :)
Posted by: J | October 16, 2004 at 14:28
Oh-- skip the wart medicine if it doesn't clear it up quickly. Just use a bit of duct tape instead. It works like a miracle.
Posted by: janna | October 16, 2004 at 15:26
Poop. I knew that about duct tape. I really did. I had a plantar wart for about seven years, I swear to God. But I didn't know about duct tape then.
Posted by: Alison | October 16, 2004 at 18:00
Don't laugh (I would laugh too but I promise, I've seen it work on so many people) - rub the warts with bacon and then bury it (the bacon) in the garden. The warts will have disappeared within 24 hours.
Posted by: Daisy | October 16, 2004 at 20:27
No worries, Ali. He'll be a rockstar, not a cross dresser (though there have been periods in music history when it's been hard to tell them apart). ;-)
Posted by: newwavegurly | October 18, 2004 at 22:54
Want some more fun?
Duct tape.
Our pediatrician swears by it to get rid of those damn warts.
Posted by: pops | October 20, 2004 at 20:14
Lovely story, Ali. Treasure the memories....
Kids are beautiful people.
Posted by: Geoffrey | December 01, 2004 at 02:48