I Am SUCH A Geek

Because I wish I had a USB port (or two or three, even!) in my skull.  You know, so that I could plug my brain into the computer and transfer my thinks and thoughts without having to move my fingers.  (Yeah, yeah, don't talk to me about audio blogs.  I'm not ready for that yet). 

Another thing I wish for is for my eye to be a digital camera/camcorder.  Because sometimes I don't have my camera with me, and it is MUCH more subtle to wink at someone than whip out your appareil photo and point it at them.   

Today I wanted to film the scene at the local town hall.  I was there to get a new carte d'identité, which all denizens of France must carry on their person.  I used to have a carte de résident, because I was a foreign resident.  Now that I'm a naturalized French citizen (no souci!  I'm still American),  I really should have a French ID. 

And there I was, being waited on by a young intern.  She was having a little trouble filling out the form; she got my maiden name right, but for my married name printed in "Bernard," which is totally not my husband's last name, but rather his 2nd middle name.  "Ça commence bien," I thought to myself.  I corrected her on the name, and then on the spelling of my birthplace and middle name, as well as the spelling of my husband's birthplace. 

It's not as if I was dictating this stuff to her.  It was all written out there in front of her on the myriad official documents I had to produce. 

While I was watching Mademoiselle fill out the form, I kept an eye on the other woman in the office.  Her name is Lucette, and she has been working at the town hall for at least as long as I've lived here, which is 10 years.  Lucette is a pleasant-looking woman whose face can ice up in about 10 nanoseconds.  When I got there she was talking with a couple about a wedding, and I wasn't sure if it was personal business or not.  After they left, and at a moment when my Mademoiselle had gone to look for something, I heard Lucette clear her throat.  She made this rat-a-tat-tat sound.  And she did it about three times.  It took all of my willpower not to burst out laughing. 
Mademoiselle came back.  The phone rang, and Lucette said "Oh, don't worry, I'll get it," even though it was evident that Mlle. should have answered.  I mean, she's the pee-on, she needs to answer the phone, right? But Lucette in all her benevolence could see that Mlle. was about to go into brain lock over my ID card form (and I'd also requested a passport, and to have my kids "attached," which meant MORE PAPERWORK).  So Lucette answered the phone, and held the conversation for about five minutes.  When she hung up, I could see the snarl she repressed as she made a comment about her interlocutor. 
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mlle. was still printing my info in those little squares you get on official forms. 
I'd already started thinking I'd blog about Lucette.  But the clincher came when she picked up the phone, dialed, and started talking to what was obviously a friend. 
"Do you want some tomatoes?  We've got a monster that weighs over 900 grams. [pause] You know, for a salad for two people, it's just too much.  [pause] Monsieur B. was telling me that he doesn't have tomatoes in his garden this year, he has monsters!"  Wahwahwah, she laughed, like a Lily Tomlin or Carol Burnett character. 

Sacré Lucette!

Welcome to the French civil service. 

And I really wish I could have filmed the whole thing and posted it here.

Comments

[bothenook]

oh, talk about artistic critics being vindicated. now i seem to recall a certain blogger that has already figured that out.
and don't you just love the civil service, regardless of what country it is in? any time you mix admin, rules, and people, you run the chances of a two act farce in your dealings.
and you still need identitiy papers in france? besides your drivers license, i mean? humm, doesn't sound too different that when i lived there over 40 years ago.
"halt! identity papers please. no papers? take this miscreant to headquarters. we will get to the bottom of this. i don't care if you just changed pants and forgot to take your papers, no milk and cheese for you until we get to the bottom of this!"

[bothenook]

i WILL figure out the html rules for typepad, which don't seem to follow any real logic, so they must have been formulated by unix programmers.

how do you post a hot link in the comments section?

[Allan]

Nook, the allowing of HTML in comments is a user settable feature. Apparently she has not turned it on.

At my place I have coment HTML turned off, but do allow you to enter URLs which are automatically turned into links.

[Alison]

Those are my settings as well. Oh, and nook, you do need to carry around your national ID card with you. However, a driver's license can serve as proof of your identity. But you're really supposed to have an official ID. It doesn't look like "papers" anymore; it's just a plastified card. Bigger than an American license.